things like this are addictive. just felt like posting something else. but i still dunno what. most of the stuff is like, involves other people, so i cant just post em. oh well.
haven't really written something in a while, but i cant seem to think straight here. darned camp. darned darned camp. d'arvit. (that one's for ya little sis)
i still dont know what i'm trying to say. my english teacher lied to me. you don't get inspiration as you go along. you just start spewing more nonsense.

anyhows, lets talk about freedom today. government should only interfere with a man's freedom to act if his actions infringe upon the freedom of another man. for example, the goverment has a right to stop you from killing me because your freedom to act infringes on my freedom to live(or not die). thats an obvious case. but does the government have the right to make me do things like joining the army? for like 2.5 years? personally, if they want me in, they ought to work through the market and offer a large enough incentive to make it worthwhile. but no, they legislate it, thereby limiting the value of my contribution to society as well as my utility in consuming this time that i have. not a very economically efficient model i'm sure.

ok someone's been reading Captialism and Freedom by Milton Friedman. you should too. i was gonna rant about unfair trade next, but you can read it yourself in Globalisation and its Discontents. so i wont go there.

been trying to teach myself the guitar. thing is i dunno where to start. send suggestions!

i think i've expended my quota on philosophical discussion today. spoke at length with a new friend in camp. it was great. hah.

well, mike has run outta words. ciaoz.

Well. this is odd. blogging in camp. yeah its almost been a year since i last updated. truth be told, i forgot my username. pc died. took a break. bam. outta sight. outta mind. well now i'm back. deal with it
*****

restarted at the behest of a lady friend named elaine, if anyone is interested. oh yeah, elaine, if you're reading this nonsense, wassup! anyhows back to business.

its sunday and i'm stuck in camp cos of some obscure entity known as guard duty which has infested the consciousness of army commanders. it compels them to make ordinary men stay back on the weekend to patrol stockpiles of expired ammunition. in german, the comment would be wunderbar. in english, we say wonderful. though the brits prefer wizard. bleh.

all in all, its been pretty enjoyable here. chatting and just generally passing time. still gotta plan a belated mother's day suprise. i'm tellin' ya. its so difficult. how many different types of flowers are there again? bleh.

oh yeah. the place is infested with bugs. i hate bugs. they drive me crazy. pity i dont have a roll of paper with me now. oh well....

dont even know what i'm writing really. kinda like mindless ramblings. hah.

mike out.

wow its been 2 months since i last visited this place. amazing. purely amazing. well i had a pack of studying to get done, so excuse me. nonetheless, the worst is over now. so i'm back. incidentally, i wrote a rather scathing piece about the singapore education system while biding my time in an exam. i mihgt decide to post ti here someday, but till then, patience be a virtue for ya.

well its been a few days and i'm back to add more nonsense to the rgular flow of whimsical stuff.
had to do this comprehension for my teacher. its an assignment. and as of today, its officially late.
ahh well. it actually rather disgusts me when i get compre passages that masquerade as intellectual work, but without the solid logic behind it.
at least, it used to. these days, i rather appreciate the sophistication of language if nothing else. this most recent compre {temasek jc1 2002 common test 1}
gives 2 passages that are simply awful. not very intellectual. in fact, downright pathetic as far as logic goes. and the way they pretend to be sophisticated, think a bunch of hillbillies dressing up for the queen's jubilee ball. its not ostentatious, its not fmalboyant, its just dowright stupid. the underlying assumption seems to be that if you write in as convoluted a manner as possible, you will bluff your reader into thinking your arguments are sound. come on guys, debate 101 tells you otherwise.

in other news, i'm fubarred. tomorrow is technically NAPFA day. last chance. and i'm too ill to do it. gone case. bye bye. wave.
[note : fubarred = past tense of furbar ~ f***ed up beyond all recognition]

econs quiz finals on saturday. report at 1030 for soundcheck attire check and general shenanigans of doing nothing. we start the competition at 1300. ends at 1600. wow, waste of time eh? btw, debate finals at 1500 at civil service college. now thats just stretching me like elastic. eh?

prelims coming up. feeling confident. just preparing for it is a real drag. don't ask me why i feel confident. i'll quote the bible. seriously.

i was gonna write something more personal on this. so i could sort myself out. but just in case certain persons stumble upon this place, i decided it wouln't be safe. ahh well..

i think i need to write an addendum about adopting older sisters.

1. make sure you adopt a younger brother as well. its called double trouble.
2. its no fun if you have a natural one.
3. adopt more than one so that neitehr will become exhausted. younger brothers are necessarily exhausting.
4. do not force an older sister into this.
5. if you need further advice on how to cause mischief and otherwsie general mayhem, say something in this post's comments.

wow, i havent updated this in a bit.
i thought i published something recently, or did i.....

bro. patrick has gone berserk with delegating responsibility. wearing a mantle is great. glory of God upon your life, anointing and more blessing.
here's the problem though, mantle's aren't exactly light. ever seen the one in kenshin? the one thats passed from one master of the hitenmitsurugi ryu to the next? they can get really heavy. lifting your burdens up to the Lord, now there's something important to learn.

prelims are round the corner now. counting i think its 7 weeks. started studying, but the thing with exams is, they're always nipping at your heels. well, if i get this one right, it'll be my last exam. period. full stop. the final exam. sounds liekt he final solution....

in any case, i'm still on a high, relative to life before. yeah i'm alive. damn it.

intriguingly, my life's taken another twist recently, more factors being added into my matrix of life. somehow i have not escaped my FM heritage from HC. these math jokes are still part and parcel of life. reminiscing ~ fibonacci, can count money.... anyway.... yeah some new unknown factor has slipped into my life. its foreign like anything and i don't udnerstand it. at one point, i thought i fell in love again. now i'm not so sure. i have this pathetic track record for things of this sort. the first time, i told myself i coulnt afford the time of day and froze my heart cold. the second time i got rejected. and i don't actually believe in third time lucky. and hey, this time, i'm not even sure what it is. i wish i could go back to the carefree days when all i had to think of was the clan, my brothers, and which game we were gonna play next. and how to win the next fight.

well i'm thankful for those times. build a lotta tenacity and even patience when you play wargames 24/7 365. but ya know, when i became a man, i put away childish things. not sure those things are childish, but i really cant afford the indulgence anymore....sigh.....now, why wouldn;t my parents get me a nice katana for my birthday...

ahh well, popping in after settling mathematical induction to write a post sure feels strange. ahh well.... why are my hc fm notes so much more comprehensive than my rj math notes, which are next to bloody useless? which is basically bloody useless anyway....

i believe i once referred to this spot of cyberspace as my personal bitch-space. not prizes for guessing why. incidentally, i just told my GP tutor she was collateral damage in my battel against the education system in singapore. i'm trying to beat the system. so far, i seem to be winning. my last slipshodly written essasy got me a nice little 34/50. not spectacular. not even inspiring. but as it goes, passable. 2 and a half pages of drivel did that. hey, thats achievement with a capital T. but she says she has to mark this bad stuff and its affecting her. she's taking it personally. then again, no matter how old they are, girls will always be just that, girls. seriously. they are just so sensitive. and you can love em and hate em for it all in the same shot. i swear it, God made women just so He could laugh at all the guys trying to figure out what was happening. bah. so she's hurt that i consider her collateral damage. well, at least i was honest right? bah, i'll just write an exceptionally nice essay next time round that she can brag about in the staff room. maybe it'll cheer her up. incidentally, my IPW survey got flaming rejected. suprise suprise. what should i write about then? stuff nobody is even marginally interested in? small wonder the school paper won't kick off.

ahh well.....life is like that. always these circumstances you can't change save the hand of God. but i have no power over that. so i'll just look at it differently. the school is just worried about being smakced around by the MOE. ahh well.... this just brings me in to my little rant on government intervention. the one where one, because of admin not being very efficient, they tend to prescribe the wrong policies in the first place, and even if they got it right, the effects usually come too late and lo and behold, they actually make the situation worse.

meanwhile, lemme state my case against national service.
1. you're going to fight a war(presumably) with a bunch of guys who have traine dfor 2.5 years in the army, and then return for their normal lives and come back to re-train once a year for 14 days.
2. this means that the vast majority of your army has a. no combat experience and b. no constant training and simulation either.
3. the natural conclusion: you have a civillian fighting force to defend a country.
4. now, there are 2 recent examples of such a policy. one was the US Draft in the Vietnam War.
5. nice to note that the very well equipped US troops got their asses handed to them by guerillas in loincloths with knives/spears.
6. the other example is Israel. Arguably, its been victorious so far.
7. But there are a couple of factors. during the pre-independence period of Israel, they were already engaging in military activity against the British Empire.
8. Oh yeah, and their 'national servicemen' actually experience regular combat in skirmishes with the Iraqis, Iranis, Palestinians, the Syrians.....
9. Only thing are 'troops' fight are computer images. and thats only for 14 days out of 365.
10. and so, do we actually ahve a credible fighting force? no.
12. today the moron they sent for the NE talk added some more bull. so do you feel safe being defended by the SAF?
13. well the fact is, if you do, you've been deceived. it doesn't really matter how you feel about it, because the truth is we are not.
14. oh yeah. so what else can we do? get some nice stealth bombers. hang on. now get a couple of tactical nuclear bombs. keep the fighters as a nice escort. here's the good part, the next time malaysia or indonesia or somebody desides to flex military muscle on us, arm the first nuke.
15. if they think this is a joke, we'll launch the first nuke. just to prove we're serious. now, the negotiating table?

special thanks to shengwu for inspiring me to some of this and concurring with some other stuff. and btw, NE talks generally stink because the guy reads form a script and can't answer questions. therefore, we should do something more productive with our time.

revival is a curious thing. the will of God? definitely. Done by God? Definitely not.
Got my first friend saved yesterday. Something special. Something unforgettable.
Another 3, maybe 4 coming this Sunday. Things are picking up. Just heard a message that went:
Don't wait for the miracle, be the miracle. Lotsa oomph in there. Lotsa me.

One thing's for sure though, when the fire of God burns, it BURNS. it simply cannot be stopped.
Its like tonic....its incredible...

freestyle is strange isn't it

i'm gonna be great one day, i'ma do something great
Wanna have my name written on a golden slate
I wanna be somebody who will rock the boat
So damned hard nothing will float

Then i was sent to school to be educated
in reality everyone was just indoctrinated
teachers kept talking about staying with reality
now they call it basic practicality
but now i know better its just stifling my creativity.

somewhere along the way i lost my direction
seemed nothing was within except extreme sedition
anti-authority was my way of life
rebel without a cause, you're goddamn right
i had nothing to live for, nothing to do
they took away my hope, told me
my dreams could never come true
its just the way of society to suppress the new
but whatever was coming next they had no clue

then one day i met the Lord above
who showed me the definition of true love
now i know that anything can be done
i've got a purpose now, a vision for us
through Chirst Jesus i now have a cause

still some things don't change at the core
i'm still the guy who can't countenance the norm
still desire to be free of all forms
breathing rebel air to the last
but the Lord didnt trim my mast
now i'm radical for his mission
his master plan for my life
now its back to my childhood days
free from the stifling scythe.

other post-sunday ramblings

first of all, i just adopted pao as my older sister. don't ask me why. sounds fun. now i get to make fun of her mercilessly and she can't do anything about it.
wait, that doesnt change anything from the status quo. heh. never mind, its fun anyway, can evolve more pranks to play from this relationship.
if yer reading this pao, watch out!

heheh. i am dastardly. woo hoo! talk about restoration and liberation by the blood fo the Lamb. haven't felt so much like myself in a long while!

next. lets talk about siblings. older brothers control younger brothers by fear and respect. ever heard the elder son threaten the younger one into behaving? suprisingly, this is more effective than the father's cane. must be the, when i grow up, i wanna be like my brother thingey
then u get about the same thing with 2 girls in the family. minus the threats, add in more lovey dovey stuff.
older sisters get by with younger brothers with sufficient cajoling. if yer younger bro really likes ya, u'll be fine
its the last category that i fall in. and there is simply no solution.

pray to God i get a revelation soon.

amendment. i got 13 stitches that time.

but thats not the subject today. 3 days of Youth Conference. A blast of Sunday service, and a smashing dinner for Father's Day to boot.
let me never doubt the grace of God. Or the fact that i look good wearing His glory. 1, 2, 3, DUH.

today was my first ever major quiet time. 45 min span, post dinner. quite an achievement. planning for 30 in the morn, 30 when the sunlight fades. 1 hour a day.
first to prepare for the day, then to prepare for tomorrow and the sum up plans for the future. this is going to be exciting. i look forward to the day when i hear God's voice physically. not enough to sense Him. Just gotta have a closer relationship.

ALso, today is the first mega-vision i got, that i'm gonna try to fulfil. this one is just hard. its a tough one. I've got contacts and friends in OPSS, HCJC, NJC and duh RJC. and i'm gonna get people in these schools saved and disclipled, and spark off REVIVALS in these places for the LORD. and in 6 mths i'ma do this.
I don't know how, but i'll try. I'll come up with something.
I know it can't be done normally, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I know its crazy, but why follow Jesus if i'm not gonna be radical about it. Like Paul said in 1 Cor. Whichever group you're with, u gotta be like them in order to reach out. so if i want the radical people to pick up the Ministry of Salvation, then i gotta be radical to attract them in the 1st place
as a final phase of my plan, gotta bring shunjing back to church. i have every confidence that with his dynamism, ACJC can be won for the Lord too.

Yeah! Hope my fledgling guitar ministry goes well.
well thats the second half of the year, post CCA

Hallelujah!

pain is a good teacher. no kidding. it isn't favorite teacher, but you have to give it repsect.
I just had my littel leg wound cut open, some bad parts snipped out, and got another 12 stitches to put it all back together again.
that was yesterday, and yesterday, was a field trip to the house of pain. i remember.

its an interesting world we live in. and it sucks and rocks all at once. paradox? hell yeah.
alrite then, enough of this missive

mike out.

Still remember three years back,
Nobody knew about rap.
Tupac Shakur, and Notorious
The 36 Chambers, Ghostface Killa
The names and faces, they never knew
The pioneers of the art, they pretend to pursue

You put your words on paper
Take the pen to the pad
Singin' i don't give a fuck
You think that you're bad
Do you even know where its coming from
The blood and tears on the sands
of time, the pain and the loss
you're only here cos u wanna look grand

Your verse is weak, rhythm incomplete
There's no soul behind the lyrics
You're just screamin' hysterics
To you its just a show, yet another play-pretend
you even fake it right down to the accent

Don't you see punk, that you're not into the game
Face it, you don't even fit into the frame
Your words are to show what you think and feel
To play games with their minds, not to pander when they whine
The only person you have to be true to is you
Being yourself is the salvation offered, cos rap is the truth

You talk about dangerous, like you're all that
Wanna put you dick in my trap, go ahead
Hang on, is it in yet?
My tongue's still burning rubber, can you deal with that
This is my gift of gab, this is my house, my shack
I walked into this room before Shady's second track

To all the on the bandwagon thinking they're cool
You just never understood you're just playing the fool
Ya'll just caught Shady fever (he is good), but you morons
still don't have a clue

Listing all you missed out will take all night,
Lord, the world beyond Interscope, have you seen those lights?
Wutang Clan and Def Jam, the likes of GZA and X
Jay Z or Ja Rule, have you heard the old trax?
You run around spewing coolio this and that
Ever heard the man, or the music he's had?

Don't ever start thinking just cos you rap, or pretend to, you're cool
Truth is, you've never even heard of the Old School.

This is dedicated to all the posers who think they can rap
To all the people who think they're cool cos they dress like their black
You've only scratched the surface and you don't even know it
Can you even feel the soul of rap, the root of the song.

You disgust me. So long.

Like that ant on the web
I cant break free
Feel my pain, see the strain
In my eyes, they're ingrained

Looking out the window i see the whole wide world
Through the crystal ball, witness my life unfurl
It all makes this moment so much harder to bear
Question is : what am i still doing here

All around me people run the rat race
Looking around, scorning those they outpace
Don't they understand there more to life than this
Far more meaning that simply to exist

Guess its all meaningless, attempting a discourse
on what they refuse to hear, cannot accept
the truth can set you free, yes, but it bring the pain
a price none are willing to pay for so paltry a gain

Forlorn and unforgiving, these eyes see the world
The idiocy that surrounds me makes me want to hurl
A generation unbale to see the faults of their own
Refusing to recognise the weakness of their soul

I cannot stay here, in this decay
I have to more, fly far far away
Beyond the watersm the deep blue seas
To find a place where my heart will know peace

Grades, money, medals, awards. are they measures of who and what you are? are they measures of success?
What do they mean? don't you understand? these things don't last. Nobody even cares about you O level results, fool.
At the end of the day, its what inside that matters. Who are you on the inside? Stripping away the achievements, the glory.
Is the anything left? Are you merely defined by such material things? By laurels and certificates? You are nothing.

a new title, a new description. nothing is different. freedom. i long to break out of the rules around me, silly, meaningless rules. but i cannot. and it sickens me.
feels like i'm rotting away, a little bit at a time, and soon, sometime soon, there wont be enough of a will to hold the darkness back. Not even sure if there is enough now.
Feels so good, just thinking about letting it out. Feels exhilirating, intoxicating. The adrenaline rush is so real, i can feel power coursing through my veins again. Maybe i shouldn't deny myself. Deny my reality. maybe i misunderstood. maybe the word came in wrong. maybe controlling my anger isn't the same as comtrolling where the source of my anger is. Maybe its not about, not feeling angry at all, but about dealing with it the right way. Maybe. i don't know.
At the end of it all, here's the deal. I'm not covering it up anymore. If i'm angry about something, i'm going to say it. Tact, is secondary. What i need to get off my chest, i will.
The blog renamed, is perhaps more aptly named. Its just the way i am, deal with it, or deal with me. Either way, its just the way i like it. Just this, if you will face me down, prepare to get hurt.

changing....

I really have no idea who pops about this forsaken corner of cyberspace, but if ya do, lemme ask you a question.
Have you ever injured yourself seriously before? Like broken and arm or a leg, sprained your spine, picked up nasty gash wounds etc?
You know you get stuck at home for a few days right?
Do you parents yell at you like never before? Like more than usual anyway?
So much for being injured and only partially mobile huh.
Look it was an accident. Maybe I shoulda been more careful, but i don't see why you have to keep telling me off about it.....
I don't know what my friend's block number is. I don't even know the way his address works. I don't live where he does. Its common sense? why is that common sense anyway? How the heck should i know? Thats his address. What do you mean whats his block number? Its on the address right?
and oh yeah....What? I get yelled at for NO APPARENT REASON and i can't even protest now? What is this anyway, the bleeding stone age?

You know what? I'm already injured, and vitually immobile. I'm stuck at home and its al;ready boiling on my nerves. I don't need this kind of crap. Well to tell the truth, i don't need it any time. just especially not now. Just get me a bloody pair of crutches and i'llt ake care of myself. I mean gimme a break. my classmates feel under the weather and they get to stay home. I feel under the weather and you pack me off to school. Then if i'm really unwell, you come and pick me up and berate me all the way for not saying anything. Didn't i tell you i didn't feel well this morning? Could i have been more specific? Err no? I'm not the trained medical practitioner. I'm just a bio student. I draw bloody cells, and leaves. I don't know the symptoms of fever.....And now, i've got a nasty gash wound on me, and gee, where's the sympathy. If its expressed through constant nagging and berating, SAVE IT. DON't NEED IT. DON't WANT IT. if you care and concern is expressed like that, save it

I'd like to swear now. excuse me.

ok i'm back. at the end of it all, one has to wonder, why are my parents this way. why can't they be like all the normal parents in the world and express care and concern normally. what did i do anyway? i stepped into a narrow drain cos i ddint see it and got a gash wound on my shin. that a crime now?

and what does that have to do with jumping off army trucks btw?
this is just stupid. why am i upset over stupid stuff anyway? why do i get upset when people do stupid things to me?
20 to 30 stiches and all i get for it? I get berated by my folks.

Yeah thanks. and people wonder why mike is sarcastic to the extreme sometimes. This is my version of a bad hair day. Whats yours?

come to think about it, this newest injury i picked up was probably the stupidest one ever.
just run into the drain and pick up a nasty gash wound. get enough stitches to make the world go round.

ok enough.

be back to school on monday.
point to note though, IT FUCKING HURTS! constant nagging pain on the wound.
and ITS FUCKING HARD TO WALK. damn it

ok i'm pissed off, 'nuff said.

I'm reaching for the prize
I'm giving everything
I'd give my life for this
Its what i live for
Nothing will keep me from
All that you have for me
You hold my head up high
I live for you....

Greater is he, thats living in me
Than he that is in the world..

Faith! i can move the mountains
i can do all things through Christ
i know....
Faith! standing and believing
I can do all things through Christ
Who strenghtens me!

[Psalm 91:5~6]
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

In the face of SARS, keep faith brothers & sisters.
Keep praying, there is healing in the name of Jesus.