[Psalm 91:5~6]
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

In the face of SARS, keep faith brothers & sisters.
Keep praying, there is healing in the name of Jesus.

ashes to ashes, dust to dust
what has risen will fall, and will rise again
faces come, and faces go
names and places, I still don't know
some i remember, some i don't
when i reminesce, i see the sights
i hear the sounds,
i feel the weight of the ages in tonnes,
not pounds
i've felt the strain, taken the pain,
and still the light at the end
is so very far away
deep within my soul
the farthest reaches where the sun don't go
i can feel a part of me, raging, tearing,
at everything in sight, anything around
i seal it there, keep it away,
afraid to let it join the fray
but it is a part of me, like any other
and it yearns, nay thirsts, to rejoin its brothers
such a pressure it brings, such a power it is
still i'm unready for a blade like this
in moments of rage i let it loose
in times of anger, its steel rings true
yet it spirals out of control, out of my hold
brinigng destruction too great to be told
the dark side of me, i keep away from people
though i know they must see it, sooner or later
this is my darkness within.....
still think you can fill these shoes?

There are 108 weaknesses on the human body.
Most are either lethal or can result in internal injuries.
I know the. I know where they are. I know how to get to them.
Its easy, almost too easy. How much easier it is to destroy than to build?
How much easier to hurt than to heal? God help us all.

to lead.
so many things to keep in mind. so many things to consider.
then on top of that, you have to think about the people
and thats just complicated. people have thoughts, feelings, and worst of all, they get their own ideas on how the world works.
and they can't seem to give em up.

sighz....people...

You got a minute for yo' son father, I need to talk
I'm so tired of tryin to run father, let's take a walk
I'm so sorry for what I done father, it ain't my fault
But the devil's been on my back lately, he's like a hawk
You never give us more than we can handle, but it's gettin hard
And I'm a strong individual, but I need you
God Lot of things that I used to, I don't wanna run the streets like I used to,
I know I'm gonna speak the word for you one day
Up in there like, "Hallelujah!" on Sunday
I thank you Lord for the blessings that you gave me
And for my life with the blessings you have saved me
And for my wife you have carried me enough times - and that's the truth
Married me to rough times, throughout my youth
And through it all I saw that you was still with me I was that one lost sheep and you was comin to get me

[Chorus]
Lord you got me like.. your love got me like..
Lord you got me like.. your love got me like..
Lord you got me like.. your love got me like..
Lord you got me like.. your love got me like..

[DMX]
I look at life a little different now, since you hugged me
And I always loved my peoples, but now they love me
Thank you for the love Lord, we praise ya
Jacob's descendants, from Africa to Asia Pleadin the blood of Christ over our life
Wrong or right, just help us make it through the night and we'll shout yo' name in times of need
And times of joy, and, when we bleed
And, when we are overcome with greed
You ain't gon' half to tell me twice, I'ma take heed
And because of what you've given me, I know you'll deliver me
And I won't drown no matter how deep the river be
You are the strength I, never knew I had
Kept the heart good when they told me it was bad
All praises due to ya
That's why I had to dedicate somethin new to ya, thank you father

[Chorus]

[DMX]
Uhh.. I never knew a love like, this before
Messin with the thug life I, missed it all
You opened the doors and, let me in I'm down for the cause so, let's begin
Prayers that you give to me I give to them
Same way you live in me I live in them
Life is a blessing now
You got me smilin from inside of my heart, when inside it was dark
And it doesn't rain anymore
Only sunshine, no pain anymore, I really love my
You washed away the tears with the fears I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, the whole thirty years
You know that! one day I'll speak the word
You know that! when I do I will be heard
You know that! you gave me a permanent smile
And you know this father because I'm yo' child, what?

[Chorus]

[Chorus] - (minus second half of each line)

[Chorus] - repeat 2X

Someday, someday soon, i'm gonna be able write and rap like this. Soon.

doors to spiritual growth seem to open once you start doing your simple daily devotions. read the bible, pray, and hey, now Bro. Patrick wants to train and disciple a whole bunch of us. its really quite amazing. dynamic guy, bro patrick. anyhows, lets see how i take to it. this next step is probably gonna burn me even more, but the more heat there is, the more tempered the steel. heh. i'm gonna come out stronger, sleeker, smoother, and altogether more dangerous. The Devil sure is fighting a losing battle.

but on to less shiny things. i find i still can't understand my friend shunjing. he places such a high value on emotions, most of all love. he claims he sees the importance of calm collected planning along with the love that inspires the plan in the first place. more, he says he can maintain that high level of emotion and still be calm and collected in planning. i hate to be a harbinger of bad news, but thats a biological impossiblity. love and fear are probably the 2 strongest most basic emotions that humans can feel. either one of them, felt with the sheer intensity that inspires action, will escape the rational mind. u can maintain some degree of the emotion that inspires the plan. but this emotion has to come under the control of the rational mind if you want to plan anything. its just a fact. the full aknowledge ment of the significance of what you do drives you toward perfection. all well and good. perfection, however, must be practical still.

so we want what is carried out in church to be better than what can be found in the world. thats fine. better in what way? are u striving for what is better? as in of a higher quality? or simply different and original? they aren't exactly the same thing. granted they are not mutually exclusive, but they are not the same thing. something 'new' and 'fresh' may not be of as a hihg a quiality as what is 'tried and true' and that is the crux of the matter. maybe we can re-engineer certain games and activities to better suit us. but come up with completely new stuff? maybe if we had 6 mths instead of 6 days, we could come up wiht 1 or 2 new games? if they're good, we'd probably make a fortune selling the patent to like, what was that company that gave us monopoly again?

last off, its this whole assumption about everyone plays by the same rules. not everyone has as few people controlling their lives to some degree. or has that much time. its seriously unrealistic to ask a student to take out the rest of his day for a meeting and want to do something special before. and then when it doesn't happen, whine sob and cry over it. i'm sorry, its just an unrealistic expectation and yer setting yerself up to be disappointed. and getting totally ticked off by something like that without getting an explanation is just childish. why do i always have to say the mean stuff? grow up man

yet another posting.
hmm...upping the ante on my spiritual life. daily reading the bible and praying for assorted stuff.
me and prayer still dotn really mix unless there's a crisis. i just dont like having a crisis everyday.
but apparently prayer is more than that. ahh well....i'm moving along...

seems like tomorrow i've got one bloody long meeting to attend. got some load of time form around 3 - 6 to do all my bleeding homework before that, so its all kosher i guess.
in the Dad and Mom sense anyway.

ahh well, i'm glad the whole initiative to gel the cell grp together is moving along smoothly. people are enjoying the games, having fun, and getting to know each other. its wonderful. yeppers.

unfortunately, i'm running dry of idas for individual tasks. well, i think another 10-20 tasks can be added if we onvolve all the other ppl joining in. lets hope so.

i forgot. sum of fav quotes from hc dfeste.

1. your concept of pain is somewhat lacking
2. life is like pampers. full of shit.
3. why ou so lidat?
4. honey, we're out of milk

wacthed the HC dramafeste yeserday evening. met a lotta old friends. seemes like the entire J! cast last year came back to help in one way or another.
since i was the only one to switch JCs, i got marinalised. but i got a warm welcome coming back. it was lovely. great plays all.
to every time i reminesce, i miss my past.....
sighz....

this is coming a little late. thoughts on Raffles Adventure at Palawan. aka Rave.
in any case. a few opening comments.
1. thats a world first
2. quite insane really
3. too bad i couldnt play soccer. why do i keep injuring my toe?
4. talent time was pretty interestng
so since i spent the whole day watching talent time, i'll talk about it.
i liked a lot of the performances. we have quite some songbirds in RJC. wonder why i dont hear em more often. must have another wall of ice i havent torn down yet.
come on, this was years ago. how many did i put up anyway? damn it.
I found most of the bands rather entertaining. some pretty good talent there. smooth music, soft beats mostly. the Hotties rock. well almost all of them, 'cept for that one insect band. they suck. what was it my friend said? oh yeah, thats what happens when people sing with their biceps. don;t get me wrong, i think biceps are fine. just that they shouldnt be equated with everything else thats good. its kinda like, got bicep, will travel. nuh-uh.
second thing i gotta say. we had so many rap acts this year. ok, so eminem is popular. damn. he warned us in his second album about all these wannabes. they suck. it aint bad if u suck but u try. but these idiots just prostitute good music. gosh, dont u get it when u suck? as in suck big time? u cant rap. give up. go home. look. Tupac is turning in his grave already. Notorious is retching, and he's dead too! the rap game aint easy to play fools.
late reflections. then again, i've been driving bad rap outta my head with some other music. so there.

sometimes its so hard to explain to friends what is going wrong, or why its going wrong.
its just so difficult to be nice and drive the point home at the same time.
maybe its a matter of perspective, maybe if i didnt see everything as a stroke of a blade, be it a slash or a thrust, things wouldnt be this way.
but thsi si just the way i am, and i guess i'll have to work with it. hey, the perspective is a good thing., when there's a problem.
but the thing is, its too cold, too incisive. cut staight to the festering rancid part fo the whole issue. no prelude, no anacrusis, no nothing. lets just get there and get it over with. then we have mroe time for solutions. somehow, that doesnt seem to be they way most ppl do things. ppl need warm up[ time, time to adjust, time to ready themselves, brace themsleves. its so hard to adapt. so hard to be patient. to wait. its downright frustrating at times.
assassin's perspectives just dont seem to work on this one...i have to admit i'm trying new ways, ways untried and untested. just praying as hard as i can they dont backfire in my face. but even if they do, its just a compounded problem that has to be dealt with.

how do i say what needs to be said effectively without being too incisive, too brutal, too cold. Only heaven knows. now i pray heaven starts talking. else on sunday, things might just come out wrong.

Lord, i need you now. i need you to be a source of strength, of inspiration and of aid to a dear friend. Lord i need you now.

Have you got a minute for your son father???
Praise the Goodness of your Name Lord. Please be there when planets collide. i pray. amen.

its been one long rocky road i've walked so far in life. whether its cos of others that it turned out like this, or cos of me, i dont know. maybe somewhere in between, the truth can be found. in any case, the road is certainly not well travelled. personally, i wouldnt advise anyone to try. aint no path for man to walk, i swear it.
at the start, i didnt even know what love was. then when i got that figured out, i saw it as weakness and rejected it. now, i know what it is and accept it as a good thing.
that just brings another set of problems. so how is love expressed and received. it has to be communicated right?
now there are 5 different ways ppl see as acts of love, and this differs from person to person. so with each person, u have to relate to them in that manner. 5 different languages apparently, is the symbolism for this. thats quite a bit of effort. and each lang has its own nuances.
do i look i like a bloody genius to you? wait i do....hmm....in any case, its so bllody ahrd on the outset i dont know if i'll try.
love is such a complicated concept, such a hard thing to do. worse of all, we all need it. ahh woe is me.

here's the good news. i dont have to do it alone. i have a heavenly father who will guide me through what most probably is the greatest trial of my life.
thank God there is a God. i'd be floundering otherwise. Praise His Holy Name

under duress. stress. pressure. Force over area......
damn it. last year, i woulda sworn double S papers would be a grand thing...
course, i didnt plan on both of em falling on the same day...
and its blowing my mind away, not the least of which cos i dont really understand my physics S lecturer...
damn it, Mr Sze seems to lose himself half the time. Every few steps, he's like, wait, thats not right, it should be this.
Ya know, when ya cant do the sum, yer stumped as it is, no need to stump yerself even more..
Sheesh.
Yeah, trying to adapt to 2 S papers on the same day, consecutively, continuously...hard work...
plus my debate season is on..... another 2 weeks, at most, and the VCs are over....
i can get down to doing more exercise then....but for now, i come home everyday too bloody worn out to do anything.
i have to drag myself to do some tutorial work. Damn it, half the time i do tutorials in class anyway. thank God i'm quick....or i'd be dead....
and mom just keeps bugging me incessantly about not doing enough exercise and not growing taller.
seriosuly, with all due repsect to everyone involved, FUCK THAT.
i cant fucking be bothered about how tall i am right now. i've got a million and one other things on my bloody mind that could kill me in the short term, so mcuh so that the long term considerations fo noexercise for another 2 weeks, amybe three, aint gonna matter at all.
why dont poeple ever understand the bugger off and leave me the hell alone sign? its written in body language, spoken in english, translated into mandarin.....are poeple just stupid, or just asking for trouble anyway? Thank God i cant call down fires from heaven.....
Well, yes i'm going trhough a whole load of crap. and its stinks, big time. But i still have things to be thankful for. Still alive. Still kicking. Still have friends. Still find moments of fun and happiness here and there. Still have God and salvation. Good enough for me. Praise the Lord.

in all honesty, today's debate didnt go too well. team dynamics havent quite settled down, everyone is rusty, as am i. on top of it, we got the really bad side of the debate. THW legalise drugs in sport. not impossible, but no easy task. well, no debate is, just that this one is harder than most. maybe if i was less worn out....
ahh well, hope the team settles down ASAP and get down to a winning formula. yeah.

in other news, i'm a nice person than i used to be. probably could be nicer to people. perhaps it is better to be nice to ppl and not have them reciprocate than to just be ambivalent and lose the person altogether. i dunno.

well its been a rather intriguing day. glad to have been thru it all in all.

today, i officially broke one of my blades. its one i havent used in an eternity. i have put this one away. but as usual. i keep it for backup. i keep it against the day it might have to be used again. today, befoer the Lord, i broke the blade in two. never again can i use it again. that is my oath. on my honour. Long i have known malicious lies can ruin people. i detest its usage. it is an ugly weapon. without finesse. without honour. but it lay there then, in my armoury. today, it is no more. and i am glad of it.
others like it remain. my words can still be weapons. by sheer tone of voice and choice of words, i can still hurt and wound. but that is my craft. today, i can guarantee that lies will no longer be part of this lethal repertoire. i also pray that i may never be forced to draw this weapon, ever.

i like my peace. i like the quiet environment. i like having friends. really. a lot. touch them, and i will draw my blade. blades. every last weapon i have within me, i will bring to bear. physical, mental, emotional... i will strike with lethal force. they are my friends. my family. these are ties beyond those of blood. 'ware the wrath of an assassin.

alright. its been a long day. longer than the average work day. thats school for ya. damn it.
so we're kinda like all fucked up. like seriously so.
honest. its a bitches world out there.
heh. am i feeling a tad upset today.

i'm supposed to do this thing for my churhc group leader. its kinda important. so ur gonna have to deal with me while i thresh out my thoughts on these questions.

1st. so can we reconcile the Book of Genesis with the Theory of Evolution?

ok. 1st question. must we? Hey, even Darwin admits we don't have enough missing links for his theory to be possible. It isnt that big a deal if we say Genesis is right, Darwin was wrong. But, thats not very nice, is it? And its a tad extreme too.

so here goes nothing. Basically, according to Genesis, on the 5th day, God created animals. On the sixth day, he created us.
ok. do we have to take a day so literally? or any of Genesis so literally. If you read it like a parable, you get in a certain amount of time, God created animals. after that period, he created man. And even by created, it could mean that he created a few basic types, that could then mutate and change into more different animals. its obviously not beyond God to see that far. Heck, he created Adam and Eve. thats 2 people. then set down in John 3:16, "For God so loved the WORLD....". quite a world with 2 people huh? obviously, God saw a lot more than 2 people.

There's actually a more complex proof as to how long each'day' in genesis 1 is. something to do with God's perpective in the Big Bang. How you see the world as though everything is coming toward you due to expansion. so if u divide the 7 days as to 7 equal distances being covered by the expanding universe, then in time terms, the 7th day is longer than the 6th which is longer than the 5th.....which gives the time frame required for the bloody sea bacteria to evolve into fish, amphibians, mammals and the like.

What there is a big dispute over though, is whether Man evolved from Ape. Despite the similarities involved, more so in some than others, bottom line is this. Man may have evolved in some ways over time, but we did not come from monkeys.

it generally sucks when a plan backfires on you. i had this one about attending physics lectures. i'll just skip the ones i really dislike( cos of the lecturer) and read my textbook at home. i have a really good textbook too. but somehow, the stuff taught in the lecture doesnt appear in my textbook, so there goes my master plan. end result, now i have to attend lectures.

on a brighter note, i attended my 1st econs S lecture today. essentially, i'm intimidated, but very happy. its free liscence to be disagreeable there. u can isagree with anything, as long as u have the logic to back it up. yeah its a whole load of fun.

this is another insane idea brought to you by an unstable indidvidual. except, how can i be unstable if i know i'm unstable....hmm....

this has to do with what sheng propsed some time ago. instead of having NS to defend singapore, we should have some kinda missile silo, possibly on sentosa, since its such a lousy place anyway. and we should ahve a few tactical nuclear options. so if any of our neighbours start feeling bellicose, or downright belligerent, we just launch a nci cruise missile into their capital, followed by a threat of using nuclear arms.

Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) only works if the other side has 1. a chance to retaliate 2. nuclear weapons as well.
well, look around singapore for a moment. indonesia probably cant afford nukes. and besides, after we nuke jakarta, it just break up into ickle island nations.
then malaysia. well they could probably get a nuke. and figure out how to use it, barely. but they're likely to save petrol and use like palm oil instead, so with any luck, they'll hit JB instead. worse come to worse, they'll take out the causeway. then again, if we nuke KL, we get Mahatir's house, and they cant retaliate after that, since the whole country will be in chaos.

well, thats a solution to defence if we ever decide to scrap NS. in economic terms, it might even be cheaper. 2.5 yrs off the working life of every able bodied male is a hell lotta money. and so is they're pay.

as promised, i'm now going to discuss the interesting hair decoration device used by Sophia last Sunday. Its a Christmas tree ornament, i tell ya.....

not actually, i'm gonna discuss murphy's law. you know the one that says, if it can screw up, it will?

basically, there are 2 things i wanna relate. the 1st being weather control through murphy's law, and second, on the literary version of murphy's law.

so on to weather control. taking into account murphy's law, if u keep saying, please dont rain, chances are ur gonna get soaked. hence instead, u should start convicning yerslef u love the rain, that getting wet is good, and any strong sunlight in general is bad for your health. u would probably get home safe then. as a material witness, we have li shengwu, who on the way home from school today, was shouting out 'i love rain', and subsequently got home dry. intriguing....

then there is this thing about words. if the meaning of what u write about can be taken wrongly, it probably will. i'm sure shunjing agrees with me on this. i'll not quote anything he wrote, nor mention anything about it i particular. but its safe to say that, if yer tone, diction (whatever i aint no lit student) can be construed into having some romantic twist or worse still, innuendo, thats probably how ppl will see it.

ahh well, thanskl for tuning in to another episode of crap from the 91st cloud in heaven.

ciaoz

So i've actually been crawling around the World Wide Web as of late. Just read some blog links from Shunjing. I'll figure out how to link u to his blog in a aeon or so. Read some of the blogs of people i've met. All in all, rather depressing. When the world tosses people into the dump, i kinda get angry. Hey, it happened to me once too. Unfortunately, my only reaction still seems to be a sword. the hyperlink to this site must've triggered off some warning bells already huh. btw, a kodachi is not a wakizashi.
anyhows, i just feel like lashing out at something again. *punches the wall, hard* *assessing damage* no i didnt break the wall, and no i dont need a cast. ahh well, at least i feel better now....