wow its been 2 months since i last visited this place. amazing. purely amazing. well i had a pack of studying to get done, so excuse me. nonetheless, the worst is over now. so i'm back. incidentally, i wrote a rather scathing piece about the singapore education system while biding my time in an exam. i mihgt decide to post ti here someday, but till then, patience be a virtue for ya.

well its been a few days and i'm back to add more nonsense to the rgular flow of whimsical stuff.
had to do this comprehension for my teacher. its an assignment. and as of today, its officially late.
ahh well. it actually rather disgusts me when i get compre passages that masquerade as intellectual work, but without the solid logic behind it.
at least, it used to. these days, i rather appreciate the sophistication of language if nothing else. this most recent compre {temasek jc1 2002 common test 1}
gives 2 passages that are simply awful. not very intellectual. in fact, downright pathetic as far as logic goes. and the way they pretend to be sophisticated, think a bunch of hillbillies dressing up for the queen's jubilee ball. its not ostentatious, its not fmalboyant, its just dowright stupid. the underlying assumption seems to be that if you write in as convoluted a manner as possible, you will bluff your reader into thinking your arguments are sound. come on guys, debate 101 tells you otherwise.

in other news, i'm fubarred. tomorrow is technically NAPFA day. last chance. and i'm too ill to do it. gone case. bye bye. wave.
[note : fubarred = past tense of furbar ~ f***ed up beyond all recognition]

econs quiz finals on saturday. report at 1030 for soundcheck attire check and general shenanigans of doing nothing. we start the competition at 1300. ends at 1600. wow, waste of time eh? btw, debate finals at 1500 at civil service college. now thats just stretching me like elastic. eh?

prelims coming up. feeling confident. just preparing for it is a real drag. don't ask me why i feel confident. i'll quote the bible. seriously.

i was gonna write something more personal on this. so i could sort myself out. but just in case certain persons stumble upon this place, i decided it wouln't be safe. ahh well..

i think i need to write an addendum about adopting older sisters.

1. make sure you adopt a younger brother as well. its called double trouble.
2. its no fun if you have a natural one.
3. adopt more than one so that neitehr will become exhausted. younger brothers are necessarily exhausting.
4. do not force an older sister into this.
5. if you need further advice on how to cause mischief and otherwsie general mayhem, say something in this post's comments.

wow, i havent updated this in a bit.
i thought i published something recently, or did i.....

bro. patrick has gone berserk with delegating responsibility. wearing a mantle is great. glory of God upon your life, anointing and more blessing.
here's the problem though, mantle's aren't exactly light. ever seen the one in kenshin? the one thats passed from one master of the hitenmitsurugi ryu to the next? they can get really heavy. lifting your burdens up to the Lord, now there's something important to learn.

prelims are round the corner now. counting i think its 7 weeks. started studying, but the thing with exams is, they're always nipping at your heels. well, if i get this one right, it'll be my last exam. period. full stop. the final exam. sounds liekt he final solution....

in any case, i'm still on a high, relative to life before. yeah i'm alive. damn it.

intriguingly, my life's taken another twist recently, more factors being added into my matrix of life. somehow i have not escaped my FM heritage from HC. these math jokes are still part and parcel of life. reminiscing ~ fibonacci, can count money.... anyway.... yeah some new unknown factor has slipped into my life. its foreign like anything and i don't udnerstand it. at one point, i thought i fell in love again. now i'm not so sure. i have this pathetic track record for things of this sort. the first time, i told myself i coulnt afford the time of day and froze my heart cold. the second time i got rejected. and i don't actually believe in third time lucky. and hey, this time, i'm not even sure what it is. i wish i could go back to the carefree days when all i had to think of was the clan, my brothers, and which game we were gonna play next. and how to win the next fight.

well i'm thankful for those times. build a lotta tenacity and even patience when you play wargames 24/7 365. but ya know, when i became a man, i put away childish things. not sure those things are childish, but i really cant afford the indulgence anymore....sigh.....now, why wouldn;t my parents get me a nice katana for my birthday...

ahh well, popping in after settling mathematical induction to write a post sure feels strange. ahh well.... why are my hc fm notes so much more comprehensive than my rj math notes, which are next to bloody useless? which is basically bloody useless anyway....

i believe i once referred to this spot of cyberspace as my personal bitch-space. not prizes for guessing why. incidentally, i just told my GP tutor she was collateral damage in my battel against the education system in singapore. i'm trying to beat the system. so far, i seem to be winning. my last slipshodly written essasy got me a nice little 34/50. not spectacular. not even inspiring. but as it goes, passable. 2 and a half pages of drivel did that. hey, thats achievement with a capital T. but she says she has to mark this bad stuff and its affecting her. she's taking it personally. then again, no matter how old they are, girls will always be just that, girls. seriously. they are just so sensitive. and you can love em and hate em for it all in the same shot. i swear it, God made women just so He could laugh at all the guys trying to figure out what was happening. bah. so she's hurt that i consider her collateral damage. well, at least i was honest right? bah, i'll just write an exceptionally nice essay next time round that she can brag about in the staff room. maybe it'll cheer her up. incidentally, my IPW survey got flaming rejected. suprise suprise. what should i write about then? stuff nobody is even marginally interested in? small wonder the school paper won't kick off.

ahh well.....life is like that. always these circumstances you can't change save the hand of God. but i have no power over that. so i'll just look at it differently. the school is just worried about being smakced around by the MOE. ahh well.... this just brings me in to my little rant on government intervention. the one where one, because of admin not being very efficient, they tend to prescribe the wrong policies in the first place, and even if they got it right, the effects usually come too late and lo and behold, they actually make the situation worse.

meanwhile, lemme state my case against national service.
1. you're going to fight a war(presumably) with a bunch of guys who have traine dfor 2.5 years in the army, and then return for their normal lives and come back to re-train once a year for 14 days.
2. this means that the vast majority of your army has a. no combat experience and b. no constant training and simulation either.
3. the natural conclusion: you have a civillian fighting force to defend a country.
4. now, there are 2 recent examples of such a policy. one was the US Draft in the Vietnam War.
5. nice to note that the very well equipped US troops got their asses handed to them by guerillas in loincloths with knives/spears.
6. the other example is Israel. Arguably, its been victorious so far.
7. But there are a couple of factors. during the pre-independence period of Israel, they were already engaging in military activity against the British Empire.
8. Oh yeah, and their 'national servicemen' actually experience regular combat in skirmishes with the Iraqis, Iranis, Palestinians, the Syrians.....
9. Only thing are 'troops' fight are computer images. and thats only for 14 days out of 365.
10. and so, do we actually ahve a credible fighting force? no.
12. today the moron they sent for the NE talk added some more bull. so do you feel safe being defended by the SAF?
13. well the fact is, if you do, you've been deceived. it doesn't really matter how you feel about it, because the truth is we are not.
14. oh yeah. so what else can we do? get some nice stealth bombers. hang on. now get a couple of tactical nuclear bombs. keep the fighters as a nice escort. here's the good part, the next time malaysia or indonesia or somebody desides to flex military muscle on us, arm the first nuke.
15. if they think this is a joke, we'll launch the first nuke. just to prove we're serious. now, the negotiating table?

special thanks to shengwu for inspiring me to some of this and concurring with some other stuff. and btw, NE talks generally stink because the guy reads form a script and can't answer questions. therefore, we should do something more productive with our time.

revival is a curious thing. the will of God? definitely. Done by God? Definitely not.
Got my first friend saved yesterday. Something special. Something unforgettable.
Another 3, maybe 4 coming this Sunday. Things are picking up. Just heard a message that went:
Don't wait for the miracle, be the miracle. Lotsa oomph in there. Lotsa me.

One thing's for sure though, when the fire of God burns, it BURNS. it simply cannot be stopped.
Its like tonic....its incredible...

freestyle is strange isn't it

i'm gonna be great one day, i'ma do something great
Wanna have my name written on a golden slate
I wanna be somebody who will rock the boat
So damned hard nothing will float

Then i was sent to school to be educated
in reality everyone was just indoctrinated
teachers kept talking about staying with reality
now they call it basic practicality
but now i know better its just stifling my creativity.

somewhere along the way i lost my direction
seemed nothing was within except extreme sedition
anti-authority was my way of life
rebel without a cause, you're goddamn right
i had nothing to live for, nothing to do
they took away my hope, told me
my dreams could never come true
its just the way of society to suppress the new
but whatever was coming next they had no clue

then one day i met the Lord above
who showed me the definition of true love
now i know that anything can be done
i've got a purpose now, a vision for us
through Chirst Jesus i now have a cause

still some things don't change at the core
i'm still the guy who can't countenance the norm
still desire to be free of all forms
breathing rebel air to the last
but the Lord didnt trim my mast
now i'm radical for his mission
his master plan for my life
now its back to my childhood days
free from the stifling scythe.

other post-sunday ramblings

first of all, i just adopted pao as my older sister. don't ask me why. sounds fun. now i get to make fun of her mercilessly and she can't do anything about it.
wait, that doesnt change anything from the status quo. heh. never mind, its fun anyway, can evolve more pranks to play from this relationship.
if yer reading this pao, watch out!

heheh. i am dastardly. woo hoo! talk about restoration and liberation by the blood fo the Lamb. haven't felt so much like myself in a long while!

next. lets talk about siblings. older brothers control younger brothers by fear and respect. ever heard the elder son threaten the younger one into behaving? suprisingly, this is more effective than the father's cane. must be the, when i grow up, i wanna be like my brother thingey
then u get about the same thing with 2 girls in the family. minus the threats, add in more lovey dovey stuff.
older sisters get by with younger brothers with sufficient cajoling. if yer younger bro really likes ya, u'll be fine
its the last category that i fall in. and there is simply no solution.

pray to God i get a revelation soon.

amendment. i got 13 stitches that time.

but thats not the subject today. 3 days of Youth Conference. A blast of Sunday service, and a smashing dinner for Father's Day to boot.
let me never doubt the grace of God. Or the fact that i look good wearing His glory. 1, 2, 3, DUH.

today was my first ever major quiet time. 45 min span, post dinner. quite an achievement. planning for 30 in the morn, 30 when the sunlight fades. 1 hour a day.
first to prepare for the day, then to prepare for tomorrow and the sum up plans for the future. this is going to be exciting. i look forward to the day when i hear God's voice physically. not enough to sense Him. Just gotta have a closer relationship.

ALso, today is the first mega-vision i got, that i'm gonna try to fulfil. this one is just hard. its a tough one. I've got contacts and friends in OPSS, HCJC, NJC and duh RJC. and i'm gonna get people in these schools saved and disclipled, and spark off REVIVALS in these places for the LORD. and in 6 mths i'ma do this.
I don't know how, but i'll try. I'll come up with something.
I know it can't be done normally, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I know its crazy, but why follow Jesus if i'm not gonna be radical about it. Like Paul said in 1 Cor. Whichever group you're with, u gotta be like them in order to reach out. so if i want the radical people to pick up the Ministry of Salvation, then i gotta be radical to attract them in the 1st place
as a final phase of my plan, gotta bring shunjing back to church. i have every confidence that with his dynamism, ACJC can be won for the Lord too.

Yeah! Hope my fledgling guitar ministry goes well.
well thats the second half of the year, post CCA

Hallelujah!

pain is a good teacher. no kidding. it isn't favorite teacher, but you have to give it repsect.
I just had my littel leg wound cut open, some bad parts snipped out, and got another 12 stitches to put it all back together again.
that was yesterday, and yesterday, was a field trip to the house of pain. i remember.

its an interesting world we live in. and it sucks and rocks all at once. paradox? hell yeah.
alrite then, enough of this missive

mike out.

Still remember three years back,
Nobody knew about rap.
Tupac Shakur, and Notorious
The 36 Chambers, Ghostface Killa
The names and faces, they never knew
The pioneers of the art, they pretend to pursue

You put your words on paper
Take the pen to the pad
Singin' i don't give a fuck
You think that you're bad
Do you even know where its coming from
The blood and tears on the sands
of time, the pain and the loss
you're only here cos u wanna look grand

Your verse is weak, rhythm incomplete
There's no soul behind the lyrics
You're just screamin' hysterics
To you its just a show, yet another play-pretend
you even fake it right down to the accent

Don't you see punk, that you're not into the game
Face it, you don't even fit into the frame
Your words are to show what you think and feel
To play games with their minds, not to pander when they whine
The only person you have to be true to is you
Being yourself is the salvation offered, cos rap is the truth

You talk about dangerous, like you're all that
Wanna put you dick in my trap, go ahead
Hang on, is it in yet?
My tongue's still burning rubber, can you deal with that
This is my gift of gab, this is my house, my shack
I walked into this room before Shady's second track

To all the on the bandwagon thinking they're cool
You just never understood you're just playing the fool
Ya'll just caught Shady fever (he is good), but you morons
still don't have a clue

Listing all you missed out will take all night,
Lord, the world beyond Interscope, have you seen those lights?
Wutang Clan and Def Jam, the likes of GZA and X
Jay Z or Ja Rule, have you heard the old trax?
You run around spewing coolio this and that
Ever heard the man, or the music he's had?

Don't ever start thinking just cos you rap, or pretend to, you're cool
Truth is, you've never even heard of the Old School.

This is dedicated to all the posers who think they can rap
To all the people who think they're cool cos they dress like their black
You've only scratched the surface and you don't even know it
Can you even feel the soul of rap, the root of the song.

You disgust me. So long.

Like that ant on the web
I cant break free
Feel my pain, see the strain
In my eyes, they're ingrained

Looking out the window i see the whole wide world
Through the crystal ball, witness my life unfurl
It all makes this moment so much harder to bear
Question is : what am i still doing here

All around me people run the rat race
Looking around, scorning those they outpace
Don't they understand there more to life than this
Far more meaning that simply to exist

Guess its all meaningless, attempting a discourse
on what they refuse to hear, cannot accept
the truth can set you free, yes, but it bring the pain
a price none are willing to pay for so paltry a gain

Forlorn and unforgiving, these eyes see the world
The idiocy that surrounds me makes me want to hurl
A generation unbale to see the faults of their own
Refusing to recognise the weakness of their soul

I cannot stay here, in this decay
I have to more, fly far far away
Beyond the watersm the deep blue seas
To find a place where my heart will know peace

Grades, money, medals, awards. are they measures of who and what you are? are they measures of success?
What do they mean? don't you understand? these things don't last. Nobody even cares about you O level results, fool.
At the end of the day, its what inside that matters. Who are you on the inside? Stripping away the achievements, the glory.
Is the anything left? Are you merely defined by such material things? By laurels and certificates? You are nothing.

a new title, a new description. nothing is different. freedom. i long to break out of the rules around me, silly, meaningless rules. but i cannot. and it sickens me.
feels like i'm rotting away, a little bit at a time, and soon, sometime soon, there wont be enough of a will to hold the darkness back. Not even sure if there is enough now.
Feels so good, just thinking about letting it out. Feels exhilirating, intoxicating. The adrenaline rush is so real, i can feel power coursing through my veins again. Maybe i shouldn't deny myself. Deny my reality. maybe i misunderstood. maybe the word came in wrong. maybe controlling my anger isn't the same as comtrolling where the source of my anger is. Maybe its not about, not feeling angry at all, but about dealing with it the right way. Maybe. i don't know.
At the end of it all, here's the deal. I'm not covering it up anymore. If i'm angry about something, i'm going to say it. Tact, is secondary. What i need to get off my chest, i will.
The blog renamed, is perhaps more aptly named. Its just the way i am, deal with it, or deal with me. Either way, its just the way i like it. Just this, if you will face me down, prepare to get hurt.

changing....

I really have no idea who pops about this forsaken corner of cyberspace, but if ya do, lemme ask you a question.
Have you ever injured yourself seriously before? Like broken and arm or a leg, sprained your spine, picked up nasty gash wounds etc?
You know you get stuck at home for a few days right?
Do you parents yell at you like never before? Like more than usual anyway?
So much for being injured and only partially mobile huh.
Look it was an accident. Maybe I shoulda been more careful, but i don't see why you have to keep telling me off about it.....
I don't know what my friend's block number is. I don't even know the way his address works. I don't live where he does. Its common sense? why is that common sense anyway? How the heck should i know? Thats his address. What do you mean whats his block number? Its on the address right?
and oh yeah....What? I get yelled at for NO APPARENT REASON and i can't even protest now? What is this anyway, the bleeding stone age?

You know what? I'm already injured, and vitually immobile. I'm stuck at home and its al;ready boiling on my nerves. I don't need this kind of crap. Well to tell the truth, i don't need it any time. just especially not now. Just get me a bloody pair of crutches and i'llt ake care of myself. I mean gimme a break. my classmates feel under the weather and they get to stay home. I feel under the weather and you pack me off to school. Then if i'm really unwell, you come and pick me up and berate me all the way for not saying anything. Didn't i tell you i didn't feel well this morning? Could i have been more specific? Err no? I'm not the trained medical practitioner. I'm just a bio student. I draw bloody cells, and leaves. I don't know the symptoms of fever.....And now, i've got a nasty gash wound on me, and gee, where's the sympathy. If its expressed through constant nagging and berating, SAVE IT. DON't NEED IT. DON't WANT IT. if you care and concern is expressed like that, save it

I'd like to swear now. excuse me.

ok i'm back. at the end of it all, one has to wonder, why are my parents this way. why can't they be like all the normal parents in the world and express care and concern normally. what did i do anyway? i stepped into a narrow drain cos i ddint see it and got a gash wound on my shin. that a crime now?

and what does that have to do with jumping off army trucks btw?
this is just stupid. why am i upset over stupid stuff anyway? why do i get upset when people do stupid things to me?
20 to 30 stiches and all i get for it? I get berated by my folks.

Yeah thanks. and people wonder why mike is sarcastic to the extreme sometimes. This is my version of a bad hair day. Whats yours?

come to think about it, this newest injury i picked up was probably the stupidest one ever.
just run into the drain and pick up a nasty gash wound. get enough stitches to make the world go round.

ok enough.

be back to school on monday.
point to note though, IT FUCKING HURTS! constant nagging pain on the wound.
and ITS FUCKING HARD TO WALK. damn it

ok i'm pissed off, 'nuff said.

I'm reaching for the prize
I'm giving everything
I'd give my life for this
Its what i live for
Nothing will keep me from
All that you have for me
You hold my head up high
I live for you....

Greater is he, thats living in me
Than he that is in the world..

Faith! i can move the mountains
i can do all things through Christ
i know....
Faith! standing and believing
I can do all things through Christ
Who strenghtens me!

[Psalm 91:5~6]
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

In the face of SARS, keep faith brothers & sisters.
Keep praying, there is healing in the name of Jesus.

ashes to ashes, dust to dust
what has risen will fall, and will rise again
faces come, and faces go
names and places, I still don't know
some i remember, some i don't
when i reminesce, i see the sights
i hear the sounds,
i feel the weight of the ages in tonnes,
not pounds
i've felt the strain, taken the pain,
and still the light at the end
is so very far away
deep within my soul
the farthest reaches where the sun don't go
i can feel a part of me, raging, tearing,
at everything in sight, anything around
i seal it there, keep it away,
afraid to let it join the fray
but it is a part of me, like any other
and it yearns, nay thirsts, to rejoin its brothers
such a pressure it brings, such a power it is
still i'm unready for a blade like this
in moments of rage i let it loose
in times of anger, its steel rings true
yet it spirals out of control, out of my hold
brinigng destruction too great to be told
the dark side of me, i keep away from people
though i know they must see it, sooner or later
this is my darkness within.....
still think you can fill these shoes?

There are 108 weaknesses on the human body.
Most are either lethal or can result in internal injuries.
I know the. I know where they are. I know how to get to them.
Its easy, almost too easy. How much easier it is to destroy than to build?
How much easier to hurt than to heal? God help us all.

to lead.
so many things to keep in mind. so many things to consider.
then on top of that, you have to think about the people
and thats just complicated. people have thoughts, feelings, and worst of all, they get their own ideas on how the world works.
and they can't seem to give em up.

sighz....people...

You got a minute for yo' son father, I need to talk
I'm so tired of tryin to run father, let's take a walk
I'm so sorry for what I done father, it ain't my fault
But the devil's been on my back lately, he's like a hawk
You never give us more than we can handle, but it's gettin hard
And I'm a strong individual, but I need you
God Lot of things that I used to, I don't wanna run the streets like I used to,
I know I'm gonna speak the word for you one day
Up in there like, "Hallelujah!" on Sunday
I thank you Lord for the blessings that you gave me
And for my life with the blessings you have saved me
And for my wife you have carried me enough times - and that's the truth
Married me to rough times, throughout my youth
And through it all I saw that you was still with me I was that one lost sheep and you was comin to get me

[Chorus]
Lord you got me like.. your love got me like..
Lord you got me like.. your love got me like..
Lord you got me like.. your love got me like..
Lord you got me like.. your love got me like..

[DMX]
I look at life a little different now, since you hugged me
And I always loved my peoples, but now they love me
Thank you for the love Lord, we praise ya
Jacob's descendants, from Africa to Asia Pleadin the blood of Christ over our life
Wrong or right, just help us make it through the night and we'll shout yo' name in times of need
And times of joy, and, when we bleed
And, when we are overcome with greed
You ain't gon' half to tell me twice, I'ma take heed
And because of what you've given me, I know you'll deliver me
And I won't drown no matter how deep the river be
You are the strength I, never knew I had
Kept the heart good when they told me it was bad
All praises due to ya
That's why I had to dedicate somethin new to ya, thank you father

[Chorus]

[DMX]
Uhh.. I never knew a love like, this before
Messin with the thug life I, missed it all
You opened the doors and, let me in I'm down for the cause so, let's begin
Prayers that you give to me I give to them
Same way you live in me I live in them
Life is a blessing now
You got me smilin from inside of my heart, when inside it was dark
And it doesn't rain anymore
Only sunshine, no pain anymore, I really love my
You washed away the tears with the fears I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, the whole thirty years
You know that! one day I'll speak the word
You know that! when I do I will be heard
You know that! you gave me a permanent smile
And you know this father because I'm yo' child, what?

[Chorus]

[Chorus] - (minus second half of each line)

[Chorus] - repeat 2X

Someday, someday soon, i'm gonna be able write and rap like this. Soon.

doors to spiritual growth seem to open once you start doing your simple daily devotions. read the bible, pray, and hey, now Bro. Patrick wants to train and disciple a whole bunch of us. its really quite amazing. dynamic guy, bro patrick. anyhows, lets see how i take to it. this next step is probably gonna burn me even more, but the more heat there is, the more tempered the steel. heh. i'm gonna come out stronger, sleeker, smoother, and altogether more dangerous. The Devil sure is fighting a losing battle.

but on to less shiny things. i find i still can't understand my friend shunjing. he places such a high value on emotions, most of all love. he claims he sees the importance of calm collected planning along with the love that inspires the plan in the first place. more, he says he can maintain that high level of emotion and still be calm and collected in planning. i hate to be a harbinger of bad news, but thats a biological impossiblity. love and fear are probably the 2 strongest most basic emotions that humans can feel. either one of them, felt with the sheer intensity that inspires action, will escape the rational mind. u can maintain some degree of the emotion that inspires the plan. but this emotion has to come under the control of the rational mind if you want to plan anything. its just a fact. the full aknowledge ment of the significance of what you do drives you toward perfection. all well and good. perfection, however, must be practical still.

so we want what is carried out in church to be better than what can be found in the world. thats fine. better in what way? are u striving for what is better? as in of a higher quality? or simply different and original? they aren't exactly the same thing. granted they are not mutually exclusive, but they are not the same thing. something 'new' and 'fresh' may not be of as a hihg a quiality as what is 'tried and true' and that is the crux of the matter. maybe we can re-engineer certain games and activities to better suit us. but come up with completely new stuff? maybe if we had 6 mths instead of 6 days, we could come up wiht 1 or 2 new games? if they're good, we'd probably make a fortune selling the patent to like, what was that company that gave us monopoly again?

last off, its this whole assumption about everyone plays by the same rules. not everyone has as few people controlling their lives to some degree. or has that much time. its seriously unrealistic to ask a student to take out the rest of his day for a meeting and want to do something special before. and then when it doesn't happen, whine sob and cry over it. i'm sorry, its just an unrealistic expectation and yer setting yerself up to be disappointed. and getting totally ticked off by something like that without getting an explanation is just childish. why do i always have to say the mean stuff? grow up man

yet another posting.
hmm...upping the ante on my spiritual life. daily reading the bible and praying for assorted stuff.
me and prayer still dotn really mix unless there's a crisis. i just dont like having a crisis everyday.
but apparently prayer is more than that. ahh well....i'm moving along...

seems like tomorrow i've got one bloody long meeting to attend. got some load of time form around 3 - 6 to do all my bleeding homework before that, so its all kosher i guess.
in the Dad and Mom sense anyway.

ahh well, i'm glad the whole initiative to gel the cell grp together is moving along smoothly. people are enjoying the games, having fun, and getting to know each other. its wonderful. yeppers.

unfortunately, i'm running dry of idas for individual tasks. well, i think another 10-20 tasks can be added if we onvolve all the other ppl joining in. lets hope so.

i forgot. sum of fav quotes from hc dfeste.

1. your concept of pain is somewhat lacking
2. life is like pampers. full of shit.
3. why ou so lidat?
4. honey, we're out of milk

wacthed the HC dramafeste yeserday evening. met a lotta old friends. seemes like the entire J! cast last year came back to help in one way or another.
since i was the only one to switch JCs, i got marinalised. but i got a warm welcome coming back. it was lovely. great plays all.
to every time i reminesce, i miss my past.....
sighz....

this is coming a little late. thoughts on Raffles Adventure at Palawan. aka Rave.
in any case. a few opening comments.
1. thats a world first
2. quite insane really
3. too bad i couldnt play soccer. why do i keep injuring my toe?
4. talent time was pretty interestng
so since i spent the whole day watching talent time, i'll talk about it.
i liked a lot of the performances. we have quite some songbirds in RJC. wonder why i dont hear em more often. must have another wall of ice i havent torn down yet.
come on, this was years ago. how many did i put up anyway? damn it.
I found most of the bands rather entertaining. some pretty good talent there. smooth music, soft beats mostly. the Hotties rock. well almost all of them, 'cept for that one insect band. they suck. what was it my friend said? oh yeah, thats what happens when people sing with their biceps. don;t get me wrong, i think biceps are fine. just that they shouldnt be equated with everything else thats good. its kinda like, got bicep, will travel. nuh-uh.
second thing i gotta say. we had so many rap acts this year. ok, so eminem is popular. damn. he warned us in his second album about all these wannabes. they suck. it aint bad if u suck but u try. but these idiots just prostitute good music. gosh, dont u get it when u suck? as in suck big time? u cant rap. give up. go home. look. Tupac is turning in his grave already. Notorious is retching, and he's dead too! the rap game aint easy to play fools.
late reflections. then again, i've been driving bad rap outta my head with some other music. so there.

sometimes its so hard to explain to friends what is going wrong, or why its going wrong.
its just so difficult to be nice and drive the point home at the same time.
maybe its a matter of perspective, maybe if i didnt see everything as a stroke of a blade, be it a slash or a thrust, things wouldnt be this way.
but thsi si just the way i am, and i guess i'll have to work with it. hey, the perspective is a good thing., when there's a problem.
but the thing is, its too cold, too incisive. cut staight to the festering rancid part fo the whole issue. no prelude, no anacrusis, no nothing. lets just get there and get it over with. then we have mroe time for solutions. somehow, that doesnt seem to be they way most ppl do things. ppl need warm up[ time, time to adjust, time to ready themselves, brace themsleves. its so hard to adapt. so hard to be patient. to wait. its downright frustrating at times.
assassin's perspectives just dont seem to work on this one...i have to admit i'm trying new ways, ways untried and untested. just praying as hard as i can they dont backfire in my face. but even if they do, its just a compounded problem that has to be dealt with.

how do i say what needs to be said effectively without being too incisive, too brutal, too cold. Only heaven knows. now i pray heaven starts talking. else on sunday, things might just come out wrong.

Lord, i need you now. i need you to be a source of strength, of inspiration and of aid to a dear friend. Lord i need you now.

Have you got a minute for your son father???
Praise the Goodness of your Name Lord. Please be there when planets collide. i pray. amen.

its been one long rocky road i've walked so far in life. whether its cos of others that it turned out like this, or cos of me, i dont know. maybe somewhere in between, the truth can be found. in any case, the road is certainly not well travelled. personally, i wouldnt advise anyone to try. aint no path for man to walk, i swear it.
at the start, i didnt even know what love was. then when i got that figured out, i saw it as weakness and rejected it. now, i know what it is and accept it as a good thing.
that just brings another set of problems. so how is love expressed and received. it has to be communicated right?
now there are 5 different ways ppl see as acts of love, and this differs from person to person. so with each person, u have to relate to them in that manner. 5 different languages apparently, is the symbolism for this. thats quite a bit of effort. and each lang has its own nuances.
do i look i like a bloody genius to you? wait i do....hmm....in any case, its so bllody ahrd on the outset i dont know if i'll try.
love is such a complicated concept, such a hard thing to do. worse of all, we all need it. ahh woe is me.

here's the good news. i dont have to do it alone. i have a heavenly father who will guide me through what most probably is the greatest trial of my life.
thank God there is a God. i'd be floundering otherwise. Praise His Holy Name

under duress. stress. pressure. Force over area......
damn it. last year, i woulda sworn double S papers would be a grand thing...
course, i didnt plan on both of em falling on the same day...
and its blowing my mind away, not the least of which cos i dont really understand my physics S lecturer...
damn it, Mr Sze seems to lose himself half the time. Every few steps, he's like, wait, thats not right, it should be this.
Ya know, when ya cant do the sum, yer stumped as it is, no need to stump yerself even more..
Sheesh.
Yeah, trying to adapt to 2 S papers on the same day, consecutively, continuously...hard work...
plus my debate season is on..... another 2 weeks, at most, and the VCs are over....
i can get down to doing more exercise then....but for now, i come home everyday too bloody worn out to do anything.
i have to drag myself to do some tutorial work. Damn it, half the time i do tutorials in class anyway. thank God i'm quick....or i'd be dead....
and mom just keeps bugging me incessantly about not doing enough exercise and not growing taller.
seriosuly, with all due repsect to everyone involved, FUCK THAT.
i cant fucking be bothered about how tall i am right now. i've got a million and one other things on my bloody mind that could kill me in the short term, so mcuh so that the long term considerations fo noexercise for another 2 weeks, amybe three, aint gonna matter at all.
why dont poeple ever understand the bugger off and leave me the hell alone sign? its written in body language, spoken in english, translated into mandarin.....are poeple just stupid, or just asking for trouble anyway? Thank God i cant call down fires from heaven.....
Well, yes i'm going trhough a whole load of crap. and its stinks, big time. But i still have things to be thankful for. Still alive. Still kicking. Still have friends. Still find moments of fun and happiness here and there. Still have God and salvation. Good enough for me. Praise the Lord.

in all honesty, today's debate didnt go too well. team dynamics havent quite settled down, everyone is rusty, as am i. on top of it, we got the really bad side of the debate. THW legalise drugs in sport. not impossible, but no easy task. well, no debate is, just that this one is harder than most. maybe if i was less worn out....
ahh well, hope the team settles down ASAP and get down to a winning formula. yeah.

in other news, i'm a nice person than i used to be. probably could be nicer to people. perhaps it is better to be nice to ppl and not have them reciprocate than to just be ambivalent and lose the person altogether. i dunno.

well its been a rather intriguing day. glad to have been thru it all in all.

today, i officially broke one of my blades. its one i havent used in an eternity. i have put this one away. but as usual. i keep it for backup. i keep it against the day it might have to be used again. today, befoer the Lord, i broke the blade in two. never again can i use it again. that is my oath. on my honour. Long i have known malicious lies can ruin people. i detest its usage. it is an ugly weapon. without finesse. without honour. but it lay there then, in my armoury. today, it is no more. and i am glad of it.
others like it remain. my words can still be weapons. by sheer tone of voice and choice of words, i can still hurt and wound. but that is my craft. today, i can guarantee that lies will no longer be part of this lethal repertoire. i also pray that i may never be forced to draw this weapon, ever.

i like my peace. i like the quiet environment. i like having friends. really. a lot. touch them, and i will draw my blade. blades. every last weapon i have within me, i will bring to bear. physical, mental, emotional... i will strike with lethal force. they are my friends. my family. these are ties beyond those of blood. 'ware the wrath of an assassin.

alright. its been a long day. longer than the average work day. thats school for ya. damn it.
so we're kinda like all fucked up. like seriously so.
honest. its a bitches world out there.
heh. am i feeling a tad upset today.

i'm supposed to do this thing for my churhc group leader. its kinda important. so ur gonna have to deal with me while i thresh out my thoughts on these questions.

1st. so can we reconcile the Book of Genesis with the Theory of Evolution?

ok. 1st question. must we? Hey, even Darwin admits we don't have enough missing links for his theory to be possible. It isnt that big a deal if we say Genesis is right, Darwin was wrong. But, thats not very nice, is it? And its a tad extreme too.

so here goes nothing. Basically, according to Genesis, on the 5th day, God created animals. On the sixth day, he created us.
ok. do we have to take a day so literally? or any of Genesis so literally. If you read it like a parable, you get in a certain amount of time, God created animals. after that period, he created man. And even by created, it could mean that he created a few basic types, that could then mutate and change into more different animals. its obviously not beyond God to see that far. Heck, he created Adam and Eve. thats 2 people. then set down in John 3:16, "For God so loved the WORLD....". quite a world with 2 people huh? obviously, God saw a lot more than 2 people.

There's actually a more complex proof as to how long each'day' in genesis 1 is. something to do with God's perpective in the Big Bang. How you see the world as though everything is coming toward you due to expansion. so if u divide the 7 days as to 7 equal distances being covered by the expanding universe, then in time terms, the 7th day is longer than the 6th which is longer than the 5th.....which gives the time frame required for the bloody sea bacteria to evolve into fish, amphibians, mammals and the like.

What there is a big dispute over though, is whether Man evolved from Ape. Despite the similarities involved, more so in some than others, bottom line is this. Man may have evolved in some ways over time, but we did not come from monkeys.

it generally sucks when a plan backfires on you. i had this one about attending physics lectures. i'll just skip the ones i really dislike( cos of the lecturer) and read my textbook at home. i have a really good textbook too. but somehow, the stuff taught in the lecture doesnt appear in my textbook, so there goes my master plan. end result, now i have to attend lectures.

on a brighter note, i attended my 1st econs S lecture today. essentially, i'm intimidated, but very happy. its free liscence to be disagreeable there. u can isagree with anything, as long as u have the logic to back it up. yeah its a whole load of fun.

this is another insane idea brought to you by an unstable indidvidual. except, how can i be unstable if i know i'm unstable....hmm....

this has to do with what sheng propsed some time ago. instead of having NS to defend singapore, we should have some kinda missile silo, possibly on sentosa, since its such a lousy place anyway. and we should ahve a few tactical nuclear options. so if any of our neighbours start feeling bellicose, or downright belligerent, we just launch a nci cruise missile into their capital, followed by a threat of using nuclear arms.

Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) only works if the other side has 1. a chance to retaliate 2. nuclear weapons as well.
well, look around singapore for a moment. indonesia probably cant afford nukes. and besides, after we nuke jakarta, it just break up into ickle island nations.
then malaysia. well they could probably get a nuke. and figure out how to use it, barely. but they're likely to save petrol and use like palm oil instead, so with any luck, they'll hit JB instead. worse come to worse, they'll take out the causeway. then again, if we nuke KL, we get Mahatir's house, and they cant retaliate after that, since the whole country will be in chaos.

well, thats a solution to defence if we ever decide to scrap NS. in economic terms, it might even be cheaper. 2.5 yrs off the working life of every able bodied male is a hell lotta money. and so is they're pay.

as promised, i'm now going to discuss the interesting hair decoration device used by Sophia last Sunday. Its a Christmas tree ornament, i tell ya.....

not actually, i'm gonna discuss murphy's law. you know the one that says, if it can screw up, it will?

basically, there are 2 things i wanna relate. the 1st being weather control through murphy's law, and second, on the literary version of murphy's law.

so on to weather control. taking into account murphy's law, if u keep saying, please dont rain, chances are ur gonna get soaked. hence instead, u should start convicning yerslef u love the rain, that getting wet is good, and any strong sunlight in general is bad for your health. u would probably get home safe then. as a material witness, we have li shengwu, who on the way home from school today, was shouting out 'i love rain', and subsequently got home dry. intriguing....

then there is this thing about words. if the meaning of what u write about can be taken wrongly, it probably will. i'm sure shunjing agrees with me on this. i'll not quote anything he wrote, nor mention anything about it i particular. but its safe to say that, if yer tone, diction (whatever i aint no lit student) can be construed into having some romantic twist or worse still, innuendo, thats probably how ppl will see it.

ahh well, thanskl for tuning in to another episode of crap from the 91st cloud in heaven.

ciaoz

So i've actually been crawling around the World Wide Web as of late. Just read some blog links from Shunjing. I'll figure out how to link u to his blog in a aeon or so. Read some of the blogs of people i've met. All in all, rather depressing. When the world tosses people into the dump, i kinda get angry. Hey, it happened to me once too. Unfortunately, my only reaction still seems to be a sword. the hyperlink to this site must've triggered off some warning bells already huh. btw, a kodachi is not a wakizashi.
anyhows, i just feel like lashing out at something again. *punches the wall, hard* *assessing damage* no i didnt break the wall, and no i dont need a cast. ahh well, at least i feel better now....

A friend askd me this question yesterday. Why is Maaya Sakamoto so damned good? I really don't know. How can anyone sing like that? She's like my fav anime seiyuu. Well maybe Megumi Hayashibara will tie with her, i dunno. But seriously, Escaflowne is just beautiful as a series. 'cept the ending didnt feel like an ending. thank God for OVAs. cant wait to d/l it off kazaa.

I love the soundtrack off Escaflowne

Yakusoku wa Iranai (No need to Promise) (opening theme)
Mystic Eyes (closing theme)
Shadow of Doubt ( seems to be Folken's theme)
Sora (sky)
Tomodachi
and the gregorian chant....

man.....

I want a Guymelef for Christmas next year....an Ispano Guymelef....for now, i'll figure how to kill a bleeding dragon....

I can gush about this till time itself passes away. lets talk for a moment about miracles. they're supposed to be rare. u get 1 in a lifetime and you're a lucky mofo.
when u get 2 in the space of a month or so, thats called a blessing. Amen. Thank God for, well God. Love the feeling of an open heaven. You can trip and fall and find yerself in a pool of chocolate. who said life aint a box of chocs anyway? Gosh, 1st i find 6 missing marks form my end-of-year physics paper to get an A, then i study the better part of 2 hours(i spent the 1st watching TV mostly) studying for SAT and get a 1550. All glory be to God. seriously, ur not supposed to get grades like that without effort in the normal run of things. but who wants to operate in the natural when u can do so in the supernatural. above and beyond. more than enough. more than you can hope or dream of. My cup runneth over!!!!!!!
hallalujah!!!!!

yeah i'm gushing. and i dont even have the calm to think up words to rap out another freestyle track. i feel on fire.